He'd Be Married Now

by Julie Brooks

(10/18/2019 Facebook Post)

I am continuing to share stories about Carson, leading up to his birthday 10-23-91. He would be turning 28 years old.

One of the difficult realities about loosing a child or loved one (especially to suicide) is you wonder during each future year...would he be married...children by now? I am pretty sure Carson would have reached both of those milestones.

Carson loved family, and he was always so proud to tell people that Todd and I had been married for for so long. 

Carson, his siblings and cousins loved visiting their MawMaw & Pawpaw in Temple, where Todd and I grew up. Everyone would play cards, board games or even a game of croquet.

My Mom would make big breakfasts; pancakes, waffles, French toast and other treats (they didn't get at home). Mom would always warn, especially Carson, that he was going to choke on the amount of powdered sugar he put on his waffles.

Carson enjoyed those times, but the return home was always returned him to the reality of the life he lived inside his unstable bipolar mind. There were few people he trusted, to really let into that painful part of his life. I am thankful Carson would come wake me, at any hour of the night, if he needed to talk. It was heartbreaking at times to feel his emotional pain, and to know that the people he thought would be there for him were not.

Perhaps the most important thing Carson taught me was to listen and trust, to always ask God to show me others the way He sees them...as unrepeatable Miracles. God sees them as He created them, with a purpose. Through God's guidance, it is up to us to help them discover their purpose. 

I miss you Carson. Sometimes tears are the only way I can express how much I miss your presence! 💘

The LORD has called me to listen and minister to those that others can't or won't reach out to! I am dangerously surrendered to the LORD...SEND ME! ❤