My Notes: I Know Where My Boy Is - Celebrating Carson Memorial Service

by Todd Brooks

On July 18, 2010, Fellowship Church Chapel, Grapevine, TX, with over 500 in attendance, the Lord gave me a forum to share my hurt, my hope, my love, my memories. The memorial service, entitled, "Celebrating Carson", began with testimony from Collin, Channing and Pierce Brooks. The message was given by the director of FC Children's Ministry, Pastor Mike Johnson. Authors (The Band) blessed us with worship music for the service.

I rested my elbows on the podium that Carson designed and welded with several of his classmates (presented to Fellowship Church as a gift by Carson), and begged the Lord to speak through me that He may be glorified. The following are my presentation notes:
(The service was video taped <4-parts> and can be replayed in its entirety by clicking here.

Notes:  I KNOW WHERE MY BOY IS

Searching for Answers:

• (Standing in the Shadow by June Cerza Kolf)
• “Why?” – I honestly don’t know.Mat 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."
• It was not in my control.
• We are unafraid of our thoughts.
• We will live without regret.

He Was Not a Coward:

• (Standing in the Shadow by June Cerza Kolf)
• He had Bipolar.
• Times of irrational state of mind.
• “Anyways, what I've told people for a long time is that when you commit suicide you are NOT in your regular frame of mind. Think about it. You ain't gonna do it if you are in your right frame of mind. Therefore, it is done in a completely boggled state.” Marty Rice, Carson’s welding instructor.
• The “downs” were pure agony for him
• He could no longer bear the burden.
• The load was simply too much.

Went to Sleep Looking Toward Heaven:

• Psa 92:5-6 “O LORD, how great are Your works!”
• (Forever Yours/new song heard last night/FC)
• "Our Hearts Are Pressed. Our Arms Are Stretched. We Want To See The One Who Has Told The Dead To Rise. Our Voices Shout. And Our Hearts Cry Out."
• 1 Thes 4:13-18 ”But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning
  those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope…And
  the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain
  shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the
  air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another
  with these words.”

Move Over Guilt:

• (Standing in the Shadow by June Cerza Kolf)
• For Carson -
• The end of anguish-filled days.
• The end of long, dark hopeless nights.
• The end of fear of facing another day of the same.
• For those left behind - 
• No more worry.
• No more lost sleep.
• No waiting for the next crisis.
• No more fear.
• NO REGRETS!
• ...But…oh, how guilty this sense of relief feels...

God Remains Victorious:

• Rom 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
• As I imagine Jesus to satan, “Yours was never a war for Carson's soul. He was already Mine. I just wanted you to see how a real Christian warrior does battle for Me. Your true destiny is the pit...tick-tock." (satan is such an idiot)

The Suicide of a Born-Again Christian - I Believe The Soul is Safe:

• Carson gave his life to Jesus and was born again at 7-years old.
• John 6:35-40 “And Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. He who comes
  to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst…All that
  the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no
  means cast out…And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that everyone who sees
  the Son and believes in Him may have everlasting life; and I will raise him up
  at the last day.”
• We cannot judge a person’s entire life by one single act.
• It was a brief moment in an entire life.
• Carson gave us way more love and tenderness than not.

The Most Intimate Word - Know:

• Psalm 139 “O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O LORD, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there. Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,” even the night shall be light about me; indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, but the night shines as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; when I awake, I am still with You.”

Outpouring of Love:

• The people - Fellowship Church.
• Authors, The Band.

Closing:

• 2 Cor 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you.”
• His grace is custom-designed for each of us; for each need, for each time, and especially for when we don't even think we need it.

I know where my boy is!