The First Christmas Since

by Todd Brooks

My face is flush; tears are so close but won't flow. My chest is bound tight, thinking of you over the 18 years of your life.

The family gathered round this morning, mostly for the kids. I didn't see you there; we didn't see you there. Not a word was said, but what could be said? There is a hole in our hearts... there is a hole in my heart. I miss you son.

I feel so numb. I knew this day would be hard, but the anguish rushes certain. These moments will pass, thankfully, with each episode the Lord allows; He'll need to carry me fewer steps each time.

Your first birthday since, first Thanksgiving since, and now the first Christmas since - all who know, say the second of each will be easier.

But, what of the instant memories of recall, that seem to drop from the sky, and cause my heart to stop, weigh heavy and take me into deafening silence. Time just stops... and later, it starts again. It's not just one fleeting memory to withstand, but one memory inescapably connecting 18 years in one instant flash, so powerfully overwhelming, so indescribable. But for my Lord carrying me in these instances, I would be undone.

My faith in Jesus is not broken. I just hurt sometimes; this Christmas day being one of those times. I will not forsake praising the Lord all of my days. To know that Carson's safe - when I finally remember that he's safe, I can breath again.

Thank you, Jesus, for your blessed assurance. Amen.

Dad

Bipolar Fact Friday #4

The majority of children with Bipolar disorder have problems with sleep, including difficulty falling asleep, trouble staying asleep, difficulty waking up, nightmares, morning headaches, reduced REM sleep and an increased time in non-REM sleep. Visit www.bpchildren.org for more information!

Bipolar Fact Friday #3

There are many co-occurring conditions that frequently go hand-in-hand with Bipolar disorder, such as:

• Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
• Learning disorders, such as Dyslexia
• Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
• Anxiety disorders, such as Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), Panic disorder, Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).

Bipolar Fact Friday #2

Children with Bipolar disorder are at risk for school failure, substance abuse and suicide. The lifetime mortality rate of BIPOLAR from suicide is higher than that of some childhood cancers. Education is the key to unlock the stigma of mental illness.

Bipolar Fact Friday #1

Bipolar disorder is an chronic illness involving extreme fluctuations in mood, usually from the highest highs to the lowest of lows. The highs are called MANIA and the lows DEPRESSION, which is why the disorder is sometimes called MANIC-DEPRESSION. Education is the key to understanding this illness. Check out www.bpchildren.org for more information!